yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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