K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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