She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think my moral compass just broke
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
