oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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