btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
