Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He? As in you personified your dick?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
