can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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