i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
