I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The air taste purple.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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