the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
