i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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