I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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