You smell like a Billy Joel song
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
