And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
