k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
