I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
In other news, I just burned my penis
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
