Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
