I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
