Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
