She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
