I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
