Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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