I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
