I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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