You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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