Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
