I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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