Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
