Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
