when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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