It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
