My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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