i always forget guys have bellybuttons
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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