I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
love makes seman taste better
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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