allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
