Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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