i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
