She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
