Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
