He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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