Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
