So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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