Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
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