office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
