Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
