So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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