Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize