i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
