the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
