at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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