I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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