like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
