maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
