Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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