Ambien. No doubt about it.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
