I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
