A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize