I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
