his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
