He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
