he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
