I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
