If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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