i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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