How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I want a musical about memes.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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