I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
