Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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